For a Smart Girl by Felice Prager For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. I step on my own feet By opening my mouth And saying too much Or not enough Or the wrong things Or the right things at the wrong time Or the right things to the wrong people. I just open my mouth And out come those words Which set it all wrong And ugly. And then I have to hobble around On crutches For weeks and months. And when it rains, my bones ache. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. I break things that I know are fragile. I touch things that I know are fragile. I go near things that I know are fragile. Then I try to fix and repair With glue and paste and tape. And I think no one will notice The cracks and tears. I convince myself no one will notice The rips and breaks. And then I have to wait on line At the repair shop Or keep the broken things Or try to find the same thing In good condition. And they're always out of it Or they have to order it Or it's discontinued Or I get a raincheck. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. I try to solve problems With the wrong answers. I fill in the blanks When I know the answers don't fit, Even when the answers don't fit at all I push and squeeze And I shove and force. And when I get to the end And the whole thing is a mess I have to erase for an hour. And sometimes the paper tears. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. I take things I know will be missed. I just like to hold them A lot And sometime I don't like giving them back. They look better in my house In my living room, On my mantle. It's almost like they have My name written on them. And once I have it, I don't want to give it back Because I get used to having it and I like it. So I have to lie And cover up And I have to Keep a straight face And I have to keep the facts straight So I don't get caught in a lie. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. Felice Prager is a freelance writer from Scottsdale, Arizona. Her work has appeared in local, national, and international publications, as well as many e-zines.  Email: Surfprincessaz@aol.com.  Websites: Write Funny! and Felice Prager's Original Authormania. © 1999 by Felice Prager; all rights reserved.

Assorted Couplets by Edmund Conti ANSWERING MACHINES   Many are called but few are listening. LIFE BEGINS IN SICILY   Many deportees Are in their forties. LOVE BOAT   Do you need a vacation ship To launch a relationship? ON MAKING A CAKE FROM SCRATCH   Machts nichts! Box mix. THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS   Tried. Fried. DRAKES PIECE OF CAKE   The Spanish Armada? De nada! LIFE   First you have your natal day Then, later on, your fatal day. PUBERTY   Girls get riper. Boys get hyper. Edmund Conti lives in Summit, NJ. He is a real columnist, a virtual poet and an imaginary friend.  Read more at linguistricks.com. © 2002 by Edmund Conti; all rights reserved.

Assorted Couplets by Edmund Conti ANSWERING MACHINES   Many are called but few are listening. LIFE BEGINS IN SICILY   Many deportees Are in their forties. LOVE BOAT   Do you need a vacation ship To launch a relationship? ON MAKING A CAKE FROM SCRATCH   Machts nichts! Box mix. THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS   Tried. Fried. DRAKES PIECE OF CAKE   The Spanish Armada? De nada! LIFE   First you have your natal day Then, later on, your fatal day. PUBERTY   Girls get riper. Boys get hyper. Edmund Conti lives in Summit, NJ. He is a real columnist, a virtual poet and an imaginary friend.  Read more at linguistricks.com. © 2002 by Edmund Conti; all rights reserved.

"I never metatag I didn't like."

For a Smart Girl by Felice Prager For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. I step on my own feet By opening my mouth And saying too much Or not enough Or the wrong things Or the right things at the wrong time Or the right things to the wrong people. I just open my mouth And out come those words Which set it all wrong And ugly. And then I have to hobble around On crutches For weeks and months. And when it rains, my bones ache. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. I break things that I know are fragile. I touch things that I know are fragile. I go near things that I know are fragile. Then I try to fix and repair With glue and paste and tape. And I think no one will notice The cracks and tears. I convince myself no one will notice The rips and breaks. And then I have to wait on line At the repair shop Or keep the broken things Or try to find the same thing In good condition. And they're always out of it Or they have to order it Or it's discontinued Or I get a raincheck. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. I try to solve problems With the wrong answers. I fill in the blanks When I know the answers don't fit, Even when the answers don't fit at all I push and squeeze And I shove and force. And when I get to the end And the whole thing is a mess I have to erase for an hour. And sometimes the paper tears. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. I take things I know will be missed. I just like to hold them A lot And sometime I don't like giving them back. They look better in my house In my living room, On my mantle. It's almost like they have My name written on them. And once I have it, I don't want to give it back Because I get used to having it and I like it. So I have to lie And cover up And I have to Keep a straight face And I have to keep the facts straight So I don't get caught in a lie. For a smart girl I get pretty dumb. Felice Prager is a freelance writer from Scottsdale, Arizona. Her work has appeared in local, national, and international publications, as well as many e-zines.  Email: Surfprincessaz@aol.com.  Websites: Write Funny! and Felice Prager's Original Authormania. © 1999 by Felice Prager; all rights reserved.

I take things I know will be missed. I just like to hold them A lot